I have always wanted to have a routine in my life not something very sharp and planned out but at least something that gets a little more sanity in my life and helps sort my thoughts that are most of the times all over the place. I am one of those people who don’t like change and have a hard time adjusting with anything different and new. I love my comfort zones, my safe places and getting out of it makes my thoughts wonder a lot. For instance I loooove traveling but the day before I have to travel is when I am pushing packing till the last minute and sometimes even thinking to cancel. Cause that travel anxiety is real shit and it kills me!
My year started amazingly well, I tried my best to make the most out of the changes in my life and see the positive side of everything, focus on myself and my growth as a person, focus on my career and health, launching my YouTube Channel. I also planned to do the 12 things that I have wanted to do for a long long time this year ( 12 Experiments for 2019 ). I aced the challenges of the first two months, I can’t go without 2l water everyday anymore and some form of vegetable and fruit intake everyday. I do however still struggle with these when I am traveling so need to figure out ways to include ample water and veggies in my diet while traveling too.
March has been more hard on me than I imagined it to be. The month of March was for exercising everyday and 20 days down I haven’t exercised a single day! 😦 I did do some walking occasionally but that’s no exercise. And you know that feeling when one thing goes off the track and suddenly it seems like everything has fallen of the wagon. I haven’t written a single blog or created a single vlog this month and not that I was busy planning something great and extensive that demanded all the time I had, NO. I was just stalling on PrimeVideo or Netflix or YouTube or sleeping way more than I needed to.
And slowly when I enter this rubble, my thoughts start getting the better of me. That’s when I start questioning every decision that I made that led me to where I am today and I start criticizing my choices, my circumstances, my friends and family cause that’s when I am all over the place and it becomes way too difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Why did I move cities? Why did I take this offer? Where are my so called friends? What am I doing here? What do I wanna do with my life? Why am I not thinking straight? What next? ? ? ?
There are times when retrospection is good, when asking all these questions occasionally to yourself can lead to something great but definitely not when you are already in a bad state of mind and when your emotional thoughts are getting the better of your thinking. All you see then is the shit around and all you do then is find faults. That’s me as of today, feeling lonely, doubting my every move, literally all over the place and yet hoping for a better tomorrow cause that’s the one thing I do best “HOPE”! No matter what condition or circumstance you are in don’t ever lose Hope, don’t ever stop dreaming of the perfect life you want, don’t stop having faith in your dreams cause one day it will all come true and everything else will become meaningless. 🙂